Immediately my mind was flooded with childhood memories of Saturday afternoons watching the original gladiators. It was almost too great to hope for. Commercials later confirmed it and the good news got even better - Hulk Hogan would host it!The premiere was set for January 6, 2008, and we were ready for it. Surrounded by friends and tasty snacks, we geared up to view some gladiator action in hi-def.
The line-up of American Gladiators didn't disappoint. The guys were beefy and the ladies looked 'corn fed', as my friend Jessica said.
Whoever did the naming & wardrobe for the gladiators should get an award of some kind. A hoss-like girl, complete with braided pigtails, named Hellga? Nice job.And kudos to the genius who casted Toa and gave him a little skirt and fringy armbands to wear while doing a rain dance. It was captivating.
My two favorite gladiators are polar opposites. The first would be Titan. He looks like a Greek god with his blonde hair and ginormous muscles. Well done, God.My second favorite is Wolf, whose tag line should be "And now I'll open your throat and feast on your blood". (It was funny when my brother said it - guess you had to be there.) Anyway, Wolf's got some nasty long hair and howls, but is oddly likable. Nick thinks he looks like Ben Stiller's character in Dodgeball. You be the judge.
To wrap up, I'll leave you with a list of highlights from last night and maybe some ways they can improve for next week.
Highlights:
- Bonnie the Marine splitting her face open but still completing the eliminator round.
- Hulk Hogan's handlebar mustache.
- Hulk Hogan asking a female contender what it was like to have the female gladiator's legs wrapped around her head. (Our living room went silent at that point.)
- Wolf howling...during every competition.
- Titan (the Greek god)...just because.
- The uber-cocky male competitor breaking down in tears when he loses to a contestant who deemed himself 'Spider Monkey'.
Ways to Improve for Next Week:
- When the American Gladiators come out, have them strike a pose to 'Eye of the Tiger'.
- More spandex!
- During the joust, have defeated competitors fall into a pool of boiling hot lava.
- Hulk Hogan tears his shirt off and joins the competition.
- More people making complete fools of themselves on the 45 degree angle treadmill. The look of total defeat on their faces is priceless.
- Lose the stinkin' tornadoes in Missouri, Ron Hearst, so that I can actually watch night two!!
Alright, that's about it. I need to go take shelter from the impending tornadoes.
