You're tall... (A Public Service Announcement)

Over the course of my life I've come to find that any sentence that starts out with these two little words 'You're tall' can only end with me left irritated, offended, or amazed at the ignorance of others.

Today I went to Walmart with my friend Mary. As we stood in an aisle looking for an item, a woman who was about 5'6" turns to me and, in her ignorance, says "You're tall. Can you grab that bag off the top shelf for me?" I can't tell you how much I hate that question. She might as well have said, "Since you're freakishly tall for a woman, why don't you use your go-go gadget arms and grab the items that we mere mortals could never even hope to reach." To her credit, my good friend Mary (who stands a respectable 5'5") jumped in and provided a much needed joke, saying "Yes, I am tall and I'd be happy to get that for you."
In case you're wondering, I did help the woman, but it took everything in my power to keep from saying, "Sure I'll help you, but since you're so short would you mind grabbing something for me on the bottom shelf?"

Even though I really dislike when people say stuff like that, it's the completely inconsiderate comments that blow me away. A few weeks ago I was at Walmart (I don't know if rude people are just drawn to this place or what) and as I started down one of the aisles, this guy started backing away from me like he'd just seen a Sasquatch or something. He stood next to his girlfriend and I happened to inch closer to them in my search for the Great Value peanut butter fudge cookies. What does this guy do? He jumps back and goes "Ahhhh!!! I'm scared of tall women. They freak me out!!" As I gave him the look of death, I couldn't help but wonder why a person would find it OK to talk about another person's stature as if it was a hideous deformity.

While I normally take these happenings in stride (yes, an insanely long stride), I would like to take this opportunity to answer some questions for those of you who are vertically challenged.
1. The weather up here is rainy and overcast.
2. Yes, I am very tall. Good catch on that one.
3. I buy my clothes at Amazon Women Outfitters.
4. To achieve my height my parents fed me a steady diet of high protein shakes and, of course, the gene-altering shots that my doctor gave me throughout adolescence helped, too.
5. Being tall is great. I wouldn't have it any other way...or should I say, I can't have it any other way.

So if you ever find yourself tempted to make a potentially offensive/completely ignorant statement about one's height, just remember that we tall people are able to see your bald spot and we're not afraid to comment.

(Note: Despite the sarcastic nature of this entry, I absolutely LOVE being tall. It's awesome and I would highly recommend it to anyone.)